Take a moment to think about the difference between talking and communicating. Communicating to save your relationship requires a speaker, a listener and messages passing between the two. Talk is simply the medium of communication.

So many couples talk endlessly AT one another but rarely actually talk TO one another. Have you ever felt that you have been talking a lot together but you can’t remember anything of consequence that was said?

What is it that makes a good message? When you learn to share your thoughts, feelings and motivation you turn talk into real communication. Here is an example as a man turns to his special lady and says.

“Can we for once turn the TV off and go to bed for a cuddle”? His lady responds, “You only ever want me when my favorite show is on. You wouldn’t say that if football was on”.

It is talk for sure but not communication.  Sharing his thoughts, feelings and motivations could sound like this.

“You know, we watch too much TV in these rare times when we have peace together. I feel we are drifting apart. What do you say we switch on the VCR and go get ‘up close and personal’ to make the most of our time”? “Mmm. You do the VCR and I’ll go slip into something more comfortable”.

The big difference between communication and talk is that the focus is not on the outcome you are looking for but rather on the process and the experience of being together. Unless you share what you think, how you feel and why you are suggesting these things your partner will assume negative reasons and become resentful and mistrusting.

You cannot save your relationship with talk alone. You have to reflect upon the messages you send out and add in your thoughts, feelings and motivations. When one partner starts the open communication it is easy to ask for and get it in return.

Original article published here